I. Introduction

II. How You See the World

Find a creative vehicle for your feelings and imagination

III. Your Aptitudes and Strengths

Stay loyal to your inner values * Hearing a different drumbeat * Self-expression demands a creative outlet * The need to be yourself dominates all other work requirements

Additional aptitudes and strengths * The best place is at the centre of the stage * Being different requires an individual path

IV. Know Your Limits

Being ordinary is not a crime * Rules are not always made to be broken * Other people's feelings matter too * Face those secret anxieties * Value your creative gifts * Lack of confidence can undermine your faith in life

V. Working with Others

Independence is the elixir of life

VI. What Success Really Means to You

Copyright Astrodienst AG 2000. All rights are reserved. 25-Feb-2001

When we are children, people say to us, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" At that age, we usually have dreams. We know that we want to reach the Moon, or learn to fly the fastest aircraft in the world, or save endangered animal species, or make some brilliant scientific discovery that will transform human lives. We are not yet old enough to worry about job markets and balancing budgets and supporting ourselves and our families. We have only our dreams and the secret certainty that we are unique and have a very special thing to do in life. Even if our parents have different dreams for us, we know the difference between their dreams and our own. When we are children, we are still capable of hearing the voice of the soul.

As we grow older, the questions change. People say to us, "You had better start thinking about what you want to do with your life. How will you make a living?" There is no longer time for dreaming; we must now "face reality" and think about how to survive in the big, bad old world. The inner sense of specialness fades before the numbing evidence of high unemployment figures, stiff competition for every job application, and economic swings and downturns which make us feel we are fortunate to get any kind of work at all. And if we find ourselves discontented in that work, or we lose our jobs, we feel demeaned, devalued, and unable to trust our deepest dreams and aspirations, because there might not be any other work. And even if there were, we have probably long since lost that inner connection which could tell us what makes our heart sing and restores the sense of having a very special thing to do in life.

This astrological report is about your vocation. It is meant to help you get a sense of what you might be good at and what might be good for you, so that your working life has a meaning as well as a pay cheque. If you are looking for a direction, astrology could help you to find it; if you already have one, astrology could help you confirm and perhaps enhance it. The English word "vocation" comes from a Latin root which means "to call". Having a calling implies something higher or deeper – an inner Self or soul which knows what we are really here for. Today we use the word "vocation" mainly in relation to those who feel a religious calling. The challenges and problems of the changing world, with its rapid and unsettling advances in technology and its shifting political and economic currents, have frightened us and turned our minds away from the inner importance of what we do in life. Yet so many people feel directionless or are unhappy in their work, even if they are well paid for it. Few of us possess the luxury of inherited wealth; most of us must make our own way in the world. Work, no less than relationship, lies at the core of our lives and occupies most of our waking hours. Yet we may be unable to think from the centre outward – to focus first on who we are and what inspires us, and then seek vehicles for this in the outer world. Instead, we think from the outside in, focusing on what others, or our own hidden insecurities, tell us is possible. We are not brought up to know and trust ourselves and our abilities, but rather, to know only the limits of external reality. And then we hammer ourselves into shape to fit them.

Because every birth horoscope is unique, astrology teaches us that each individual has a unique nature and a unique set of abilities. While a horoscope cannot tell us which company will offer us a job, or how much we can expect to be paid, it can help us to understand that, if we wish to feel our lives matter, we need to express in the outer world at least some of who we are in the inner one. No job is perfect; we must all compromise. What matters is that what we do connects us to something special inside, something that makes us feel worthwhile and impels us to offer our best to life. The insights of astrology are not literal and specific. They are symbolic and psychological, and tell us about spheres of life which inspire us, needs which nourish our souls, and personal limits which mark the boundaries of what we are capable of achieving in one lifetime. We cannot become other than what we are, and no human being contains all possibilities. We are all good at different things. The right mix of realism and faith in ourselves can ensure that we feel our passage through life has been worth the effort.

To make the best use of the astrological insights offered by this report, it is important to remember three things. First, a sound understanding of one's needs, potentials, and limits is far more important than the facts and figures presented to us by the outer world. It is not that facts and figures do not matter. But even if there is only one job available and four hundred applicants seeking it, we possess more power than we realise to create our own reality. If that job is truly right for us, and we are prepared to do the necessary preparation and training, we will achieve it – somewhere, some time, somehow. Second, we must not be afraid to try. Trying and failing and trying again are far better than not trying at all, for we can learn from our failures even more than we learn from our success. Understanding why we might unconsciously court failure or fail to seize opportunities may also be important. Many people are dogged not by lack of ability, but by a deep unconscious conviction that they do not deserve to be fulfilled. Understanding ourselves more deeply can help us to distinguish between real limits and unnecessary self-sabotage. Third, a birth chart cannot, of its own volition, create our opportunities for us, any more than a road map can make us take a journey. A birth horoscope can show us a direction and encourage us to make manifest our highest values and most cherished dreams. But each individual must make the decision to set off down the road. If we refuse through fear or cynicism, and remain sitting on the doorstep yearning for what might have been, we cannot blame either astrology or the world for our discontent.

Each of us sees the world differently, and feels strong and competent in some areas and uncertain or ill-equipped in others. No person is perfectly adapted to every sphere of life. Finding the right direction may depend partly on your knowing how you evaluate and adapt to life, and finding an outer situation which matches your fundamental outlook. Of course it is not as simple as just looking for a place where you can exercise what you believe to be your strengths and avoid what you perceive as your weaknesses. Sometimes, working to develop sides of your personality where you feel unsure can generate the greatest feeling of accomplishment. But it does help if your perspective on life is in harmony with what you do, and you can therefore feel confident and able to meet the challenges which your work offers. It can also make a difference if you are able to remain loyal to your values and needs, rather than accepting a situation where you believe neither in what you are doing nor in the people you work with.

Find a creative vehicle for your feelings and imagination

Your inner world is rich, and full of creative images and ideas that ebb and flow according to your moods and energy. You are a sensitive soul who may not enjoy the cut and thrust of many spheres of work. Rather than tying yourself to the humdrum, you might be happier focused on cherished subjects that you love - history, archaeology, fine arts or objects of beauty, or the careful work of helping to enrich and inspire the creative potential in others. You might make an excellent teacher, because you have great sensitivity to others' emotional needs and requirements, and can be extremely tactful when you need to be. Most importantly, any work that you do needs to be fuelled by the inspiration of the imagination. If you teach, or choose to work with others in the helping fields or as an advisor or counsellor, make sure you can do so with the freedom to communicate imaginatively and express images and ideas that do not require an absolute factual basis. Artistic expression of some kind is likely to be important for you, and even if this does not form the basis for paid work, you still need to make sure you have time to do your own creative work. This is particularly important if you work within a structured environment where you have to curtail your imaginative flights in order to fit into a team or institutional hierarchy. Best of all, you might find just the right creative vehicle which could allow you to indulge your imagination and still feel you are contributing something to human welfare through what you create.

The theatre or the world of film might be a suitable vehicle for you - not necessarily on the stage, although, given your subtlety and perceptiveness about others, you might well have the skill to portray many different characters. But there are many dimensions of this world in which you might fit, ranging from casting to scriptwriting to costume design to stage management. This could satisfy your craving to be in touch with something larger than life, while still allowing you to work closely with others and satisfy your need for emotional exchange. You are both highly individualistic in your creative ideas and very needful of a warm, appreciative working environment. The people you work with are very important, and you need to consider this as a major factor in finding satisfaction in what you do. In general, work which involves the imagination - whether in the arts, the helping professions, or the teaching establishment - would not only suit you, but would probably attract the kinds of people with whom you are most likely to feel empathy and emotional rapport. Businesses which deal in imaginative products, such as the publishing and distribution of music or literature, might also be appealing. Follow your heart and your intuition. It is your imagination and your feelings which can tell you which sphere you would be happiest in. Above all, don't sell yourself short by accepting work which gives you no sense of the grandeur and beauty and excitement inherent in life.

An honest and realistic understanding of your fundamental strengths can help you to orientate yourself in the world and put your energy into areas where you can hope to shine and achieve at least many of your most cherished goals. Recognising basic issues such as the capacity and desire to handle responsibility, or the need for stability and security, or the craving for constant new challenges, can affect your decisions and help you to avoid wasting your abilities in spheres where you are not likely to be happy or at home. This does NOT mean that, if this report seems contradictory to what you are presently doing, you should abruptly throw aside everything you have built so far. If, for example, new challenges and a degree of independence are important for you in your work according to your astrological profile, you should not immediately abandon a steady job and charge off into the blue pursuing an unrealistic dream. Further training may be necessary, and your domestic responsibilities must also be considered in relation to what is possible at any given time in your life. But a personality which fundamentally requires an independent creative platform from which to work means that you might need to consider new possibilities within the framework of your present circumstances, or work on a long-term plan through which you can gradually achieve the autonomy you need. The secret of real success – the kind which is rooted in an inner feeling of a worthwhile life – is to first accept who you are, believe in it, and stop trying to model yourself on somebody else. Then aim to shape your outer life in as many ways as are realistically possible in order to provide the right working vehicle for your true nature and values.

Stay loyal to your inner values

Whatever work you do, you need to remain loyal to your inner vision of what reality is all about. You have never been comfortable following the common drumbeat, in work or in any other sphere of your life; and even if your values coincide with those espoused by the collective in which you live, this is likely to be coincidence rather than any wish on your part to fit a socially acceptable mould. For this reason, you are not well suited to adapting to any large organisation or institution. If you find yourself in such a work situation, you may begin to experience conflicts, not only with those in authority, but with colleagues and co-workers who are more dependent on collective opinion than you are. You are probably best suited to working independently, in one of the creative fields, or as a consultant or professional who answers to no one but yourself. You are not averse to respecting standards which you yourself approve of. But you have little tolerance for rules which are imposed simply because somebody else wants to feel important and powerful. Your work requirements may not be easy to accommodate in the outer world because you have such an independent and individual spirit. But if you can draw on your rich inner world for ideas and inspiration, you are capable of enormous dedication, and also of the achievement of success - although you are likely to define success in your own terms.

You tend to enjoy participating in worthwhile causes, and you may relish a good fight, if it is with an idea rather than an individual. Thus you are well suited to put your imagination and energy behind important issues in the outer world - whether ecological, social, economic, artistic, or political - and promulgate your highly individual vision of a better society. As long as your cause has some relationship with the earthly plane of existence, you could be a powerful force for good. But you are proud and liable to disillusionment with others because compromise comes hard to you; and so, in the end, you may find that involvement with groups, however worthy the cause, does not suit you. Always a solo performer by preference, you also enjoy playing agent provocateur and stirring the pot - and afterward leaving others to clean up the debris. The chip which is firmly lodged on your shoulder can impel you to fine creative work. Try to make sure that you do not exhaust yourself in battles with those who have little relevance to the dreams and visions which are so dear to you. Your energy is better spent on creation, not on warfare with unimportant enemies.

Hearing a different drumbeat

You have never been especially good at "fitting in" when it comes to conventional expectations. This reflects the intensity of your urge to be nothing more nor less than yourself. It also reflects a particular openness to new ideas, especially those which are still forming in the collective psyche and have not yet emerged and been sanctioned by collective consciousness. You are inclined to unconventional thinking, and have a strong resistance to structures and ideas which hold back progress or are upheld merely because they have always been there. This makes you a bit of a rebel, intellectually if not in external behaviour. You are clearly not likely to be happy in a work situation where authority is imposed on you from without - especially if you have little respect for the intelligence of that authority, or if you are expected to adhere to rules simply because the rules are there. You are perfectly capable of discipline and application, but you need to know that there are good reasons for any limits placed on your creative expression and your thinking. If you cannot find a good reason, you are likely to simply disregard the injunction, or actively rebel against it. It would not be wise for you to subject yourself to such a situation in your working life for any length of time, as you are likely to eventually sabotage your own efforts, leave in a huff, or force a confrontation and get yourself made redundant.

You need a working environment where eccentricity and innovative thinking are encouraged and rewarded, and where your openness to new perspectives and alternative views of reality are welcomed as creative contributions. You could work within a company or organisation only if it is flexible and innovative enough to merit your respect. Or you may need to work independently, developing professional skills which enable you to pursue your work at your own pace and in your own way. The "fringe" fields - such as alternative medicine, archetypal and transpersonal psychology, astrology, and the more experimental dimensions of computer science and scientific research - could suit you well, for you need to listen to your own drumbeat and explore ideas as a pioneer and not a follower. You have a strong reforming spirit, and there is something within you that would like to change the world - even shocking it, if necessary - and encourage human beings to become more than what they are. This may attract you to the political arena, or to humanitarian concerns which reflect your idealistic vision of what society could and should be. You can sometimes be dogmatic in your opposition to what you experience as rigidity in others. But your dogmatism arises, not from conservatism, but from your vision of a more orderly cosmos in which human mess and chaos are brought into line and improved upon. You will probably never feel entirely comfortable pursuing a conventional working life. Find an idea which inspires you, then find a field of work, a training, or an institution or group which upholds and promulgates that idea; and then carve your own path into the future.

Self-expression demands a creative outlet

For you, the real world is not the one "out there" where people sit fuming in early morning rush-hour traffic jams or spend precious hours trying to decide whether to buy a new television in the January sales. Your reality is the world of myth and magic, romance and chivalry. If you do not have elements of this world incorporated in your working life, you are likely to find your job boring, unrewarding, or even downright soul- destroying. You do not perceive people in terms of their everyday behavior; you intuitively sense the archetypal background in which their lives are embedded. This means that your perceptions tend to be exaggerated and larger than life, and you need a big stage on which to perform your central part in the play. You want to be the protagonist or the director, not a member of the chorus. Self-expression is extremely important, and you are likely to find it difficult if you are required to keep a low profile and say only what is deemed acceptable by those around you. Even dress codes are likely to irritate you if they are too uniform and dull. In the world of the arts you are more likely to feel at home, because eccentricity and originality are welcome there. In the world of business, unless you can achieve a position where you can be a devil-may-care trouble-shooter or flamboyant CEO who gives interviews to the press, you are likely to feel angry at the impositions placed on your individual self-expression. Find a profession where you can be who you are, dress more or less according to the image you wish to project, and express your ideas without worrying about whether you are shocking others or making them think too hard. You dislike being made to feel ordinary, and probably consider yourself extraordinary in some respect. While this is not a justification for trampling over the feelings of others, you need to feel special, and require a field of work where others acknowledge your specialness and reward you for your creative efforts. Committees are likely to drive you wild with frustration and impatience.

Get the best education you can, even though you may find it hard to accept the authority of academics who lack imagination. But in order to ensure that you have the freedom to create the kind of working life you need, you will have to jump over at least some of society's hurdles and earn the right to be taken seriously. If you are an artist, develop your technique; the work of others could prove an inspiration, so don't be too proud to let them teach you. One of your great dangers is to lapse into the "misunderstood genius" mode. While there might be some truth in it, is not likely to contribute to any real feeling of fulfilment. You do want to be acknowledged, even if only by those you consider on your level; self-expression is not very satisfying if there is no one around to appreciate it. As long as you can recognise the importance of self-discipline to get where you want to go, you do not have to sell your soul. But you must present your creative work in a language which is understood. The pioneering spirit is alive and well in you, and that spirit has never required qualifications to find gold or explore the wilderness, inner or outer. You are capable of making your way with or without collective stamps of approval. Don't waste your energy trying to communicate your vision to others while refusing to convey it in a language they can understand.

The need to be yourself dominates all other work requirements

Whatever field you choose to work in, you must be able to utilise your individuality and personal vision to make your way in life. You cannot sell someone else's product, or copy someone else's creative style, or promulgate someone else's ideas. "Job satisfaction", for you, comes from recognition of your specialness, and the knowledge that you have offered what is genuinely and authentically your own, to the best of your ability. You do not want to be ordinary and live an ordinary, safe life. You would rather take a few risks and endure a few hard knocks, and know that you have been loyal to your own soul. In some ways, your path may be harder than it is for many who are content to have some financial security and a nice, safe place in society. At times you may experience loneliness and have to fight for your ground; and you may also occasionally be the target of others' envy. Those who do not have the courage to be individuals may feel threatened by your uncompromising determination to express without hypocrisy what you feel you have to give. But even though fulfilment in work may not come easily to you, or come without a price, it is unlikely that you will ever regret paying the price if you know you are making an intensely individual contribution to life. Whether you do this through a creative talent, or through business, or through some area of the sciences or the helping professions, you need to know, like the line in the Frank Sinatra song, that you are doing it your way.

Additional aptitudes and strengths

Although these are your main strength, there are other qualities which you can build on as you consider the best ways to utilise your energy and talents. These may not be as dominant in your nature, but they are important nevertheless and need to be considered in any assessment of your work situation. An astrological chart, from the perspective of vocation, presents us with an essential character pattern; and the "ideal" sphere of work is one in which as many of one's essential character qualities as possible can be given an avenue of expression. There is no perfect job for anyone, just as there is no perfect world. But these important characteristics need room in your life, somewhere, somehow, to be honoured and offered some vehicle through which it can live.

The best place is at the centre of the stage

As Shakespeare once suggested, all the world is a stage to you, and all the men and women merely players; and in your working life you would always be happiest playing the protagonist rather than the chorus. You need both an audience and a big stage on which to perform, and you should aim for the limelight - partly because you would not be satisfied with a career that earns you money but does not give you a place in which you can shine. The arts provide a natural sphere in which you can express your creative gifts and gain the recognition you seek. If you have any artistic talent, take it seriously and train it thoroughly, so that you can compete with confidence and a knowledge that you have the necessary skills. Even if you do not have any specific ability at acting, writing, painting, or performing, you can still achieve success behind the scenes, as a director, editor, agent, designer, publisher, or concert organiser. You need to be in a world where there is colour, magic, constant change and challenge, and a chance to feel you are in touch with a bigger, brighter world. Try to avoid jobs where you are simply one amongst many in a large organisation or institution. You would only wind up creating crises in order to draw attention to yourself and express the frustration you experience at being denied the right to feel special and recognised. There are places in the business world where a highly individualistic personality is welcomed and rewarded; and this might suit you, if you can ensure that you will be able to achieve such a position. You might excel in advertising and marketing because you have magnetism and charisma and can communicate ideas in a lively, dramatic way. Don't subject yourself to unnecessary frustration in work which doesn't nourish your need to constantly recreate yourself. You deserve your place in the Sun.

Being different requires an individual path

If you are very fortunate, you may find, or have found, just the right niche for your particular nature and talents. You may have known from an early age that you wanted to succeed in a particular creative field. But if you have not been so fortunate in the past, there is no reason why you cannot pursue your dreams more effectively in the present. Life may teach you some serious lessons concerning adaptation to the limits of the material world, and the necessity of times of sheer, boring hard work to achieve a goal. But as long as you are willing to learn those lessons, you can have the kind of working life you most need to feel fulfilled: an environment where you can be an individual and express your personal style and creative ideas; colleagues who are stimulating and challenging, and engage you intellectually and imaginatively; and a chance for a wider public to see and appreciate your gifts. You will never be one of the herd, nor ever be satisfied with work which confines your movement, stifles your imagination, and makes you feel as though your life is unimportant. It could be argued that no life is unimportant, and that the value of a work contribution cannot be based on how much of a public impact it makes. But even if you know this in principle, you will probably never entirely accept it on the emotional level. A mirror which reflects back to you your role in a brighter, grander life drama is essential to you for a sense of true vocation.

Recognising your innate limitations can help you to focus your energy in the right direction and get the maximum fulfilment from your work. All human beings have limitations, and these need to be seen, not as "faults" or "failings", but as the inevitable result of having strengths in other areas. No individual has everything. Being able to understand those areas where essential character qualities might restrict your capacity to engage in or enjoy a particular kind of work, is part of the building of self-understanding and self-confidence. Sometimes we have to try and then fail before we are able to recognise that we are undeveloped, unsuited, or simply uninterested in a particular sphere of life. Pressure from family and peer group may push us into attempting to become what we are not, and much time and energy may be wasted in attempting to fulfil someone else's expectations when we know we are not comfortable in that particular kind of work. It is important to recognise that limits do not signify any irrevocable flaw in character. Working hard on an area of limitation may, in fact, produce great confidence born out of hard effort, and sometimes real talent may be discovered beneath the surface of what appears to be a block or difficulty. It is up to you to discern whether a character limitation needs to be worked on, or compassionately accepted, or both.

Being ordinary is not a crime

Your inner daimon demands that you express who you are with courage and authenticity, regardless of whether you are "acceptable" in the eyes of the collective. This is a great strength, and also a clear indicator of the necessity of a highly individualistic work path. Your chief limitation arises from this very strength, for your insistence on being intensely individual may make you fear those elements in your nature which require the same mundane comforts and routines as less gifted souls. You may expect yourself to be perpetually dynamic, creative, and inspired, twenty-four hours a day; and no person, however gifted, can sustain such inspiration all the time. Your creative energies are likely to ebb and flow, and you may need to periodically fall back on work routines which are so familiar that you could do them blindfolded, in order to recuperate and refresh yourself. It is very tiring having to be extraordinary all the time; and your creative work could suffer if you subject yourself to this kind of strain. Don't be so afraid of being an ordinary mortal. You will not lose your inspiration, and your work would benefit from the ability to enjoy the support of colleagues and the relaxing boredom of ordinary routines. Concern with material security may also seem somehow less than what you believe you should be about, yet if you do not attend to this dimension of life, instability could create a chronic anxiety which interferes with your creative capacities. You are quite able to take periods of volatility in your life provided you have the necessary independence to express yourself as you see fit. But too much of this could be draining rather than simply part of the package of being an individual. Denying simple material needs in the name of grand ideals or great art, or in an effort to prove you are "different", may not be an especially helpful approach to your working life. Nothing and no one can take away your powerful core of individuality. Learn to relax during those moments when you become just like everybody else.

Rules are not always made to be broken

You have a strongly independent spirit and are attuned to all kinds of new ideas. This visionary quality is combined, understandably enough, with a deep resistance to conventional rules and structures; you are very much your own person and are not prepared to compromise your ideals just because other people think a certain way. You don't mind being perceived as eccentric, and you don't back off from confrontation if required, especially if this involves the suggestion that you should sell out in the name of public opinion. But this fiercely individualistic quality, although it is an enormous creative asset in your work, can sometimes have an element of sheer perversity about it. You may feel impelled to break a rule simply because it is a rule, and not because it genuinely conflicts with something you deeply believe in. Sometimes you like rocking the boat just because there is a boat to be rocked, and you may sometimes behave like the proverbial "rebel without a cause" - just for the sake of being rebellious. And sometimes this could cause you unnecessary difficulties, particularly with those in authority. Not all rules are made to be broken; sometimes there is common sense in rules and structures, and you need to be able to assess each situation in its own terms rather than displaying a knee- jerk "No!" every time you encounter a rule. Equally, not all authority is there to crush the individual, and you may also need to learn to respond to individuals rather than seeing everyone in a position of authority as someone whose rule needs to be flouted. There is no ultimate benefit in such a blind reaction against convention, and it could do serious harm to your goals and ability to achieve them. Recognising the value of a particular structure or convention does not rob you of your individuality. Nothing in the world could do that, except real disloyalty to your own soul. Make sure that you are truly answering the demands of your soul, and not just kicking at things from an unconscious need to prove you can flout authority.

Other people's feelings matter too

Your sense of personal mission is powerful, and it is one of your greatest assets in terms of carving a unique place in the world. You listen to no drumbeat except your own, and you are not easily swayed by others' negative opinions or animosity. Your commitment to your own vision is unswerving and you are prepared to put up with considerable hardship and even isolation as long as you have a chance to express what you feel needs to be expressed. However, this may sometimes be too much of a good thing. It may be wise sometimes to remember that you do live in a world with other people, and that their feelings matter too. This doesn't mean you should betray your own self, or compromise where compromises are untenable. But you may inadvertently injure others' feelings or tread on their toes simply because you are not really aware of their reality. Your preoccupation with your own creative vision may be so great that you are simply unconscious of the effect of your powerful personality and your sense of personal rightness. When you are dealing with colleagues or co-workers, it might be helpful to think before you speak, because you are capable of failing to recognise others' sensitivity and need of positive feedback. You yourself enjoy praise and encouragement; so do others, and your generosity, although heartfelt, may sometimes fail to be expressed simply because you haven't noticed that someone else needs it to be demonstrated. Everyone likes to be reminded that what they do and say is interesting and worthwhile, and that they too are important. This potential difficulty is not due to any personal meanness in you. It springs from the intensity of your vision and the passion with which you pursue it. When you are working alone, you don't need to attend to the outside world. But when you are dealing with others, try to remember that they probably admire and respect you, and a little sensitivity could go a long way toward establishing positive and enduring relationships at work.

Face those secret anxieties

You are brave and independent, and you will go your own way regardless of how unconventional others might perceive your path in life. But like all humans you sometimes suffer from anxieties and may not always be able to muster the kind of confidence you wish to have. The critical opinions of others may hurt you more than you acknowledge, and a deep longing to belong may sometimes make you feel isolated in your determination to remain loyal to your own ideals. Although these doubts and anxieties should not turn you from what you need to do, nevertheless it may be wise to acknowledge and face the secret fears that sometimes plague you. Trying to stifle them could force them to surface in unconscious ways which could interfere with creative projects and relationships with co- workers or colleagues. You are highly individualistic, but there is no requirement for you to be superhuman, and sometimes admission of your own humanity might help you to recognise that you do have support from others. You don't always have to be brave, decisive, and uncaring of the opinion of the crowd. You need some encouragement from your fellows, and some feeling that you belong somewhere - even if it is in a loose group of intensely individual souls like yourself who share certain ideals and convictions. Don't back off from seeking advice when it is really necessary, and let others in a bit more. You may be individualistic, but you also have feelings, and these need to be honoured along with your fierce determination to follow your own path in life.

Value your creative gifts

Although you have considerable courage and are prepared to face life's challenges on your own merits and with loyalty to your own ideals, sometimes you may secretly undervalue your creative gifts. There are certain insecurities which may nag at you at times, and if you are not honest about these you may find that they surface in indirect ways and cause you to place too low a price on your abilities. You might even unconsciously sabotage creative efforts, ensuring that you do not succeed even when you very much wish to, because secretly you don't believe you deserve success. The roots of these anxieties may lie in experiences which belong to your early life, and it might be helpful to explore those areas where you may be carrying a sense of unworthiness or the belief that somehow you do not merit both fulfilment and financial remuneration through your work. Family expectations could play an important part in your unease, and so might material difficulties in the family background which cause guilt about being too successful at something you love doing. The more conscious you are of the subjective basis for your anxieties, the better able you will be to deal with them in a detached and constructive way. Don't try to pretend you are immune to insecurities. You have plenty of courage and you don't have to wear a brave face to impress others. Try to face what goes on inside you, and learn to distinguish between experiences from the past and the situation you find yourself in now. You have everything going for you, and should be able to make a success at what you most love and believe in. Your only real enemy is your own self-doubt.

Lack of confidence can undermine your faith in life

You are brave and independent, and your determination to follow your own course in life is an enormous spur to creative work. However, sometimes you may be too strenuous in your ferocious individualism because you secretly lack confidence in yourself and are afraid of rejection or criticism from the collective - that very collective which you profess not to care about. Deep down, you aren't really convinced that what you express is worthwhile, and this could sometimes make you sabotage your own work efforts or anticipate rejection when there is no basis for such a fear. It could also make you take temporary failure as a permanent state, causing you to avoid getting up and trying again. Your insecurity may stem, in part, from early experiences which taught you that you cannot take the support and appreciation of others for granted. You may have often felt lonely and misunderstood. But the past is not the present, and you need to be both realistic and optimistic about your own gifts and the limits of the collective around you. The creative ideas you express, and the work you are able to offer, will never be pleasing to every single soul walking the earth; and in fact the majority may never value it properly simply because they are too lacking in individual taste and values to do so. But the minority who can respond to what you are trying to offer is probably a sizeable minority, and it may be perfectly sufficient to give you the encouragement you need. Try not to carry such a big chip on your shoulder. In the end, no one can defeat you except your own self-doubt.

One of the most important factors to consider in terms of your direction in life is how you work with others. Everyone has his or her own style of relating in the working environment; everyone has different needs and requirements; everyone needs a different degree of privacy or teamwork; and everyone interacts differently with peers and with authority figures. There is no "normal" way of being with others, but it is important that you understand just what you do need, so that you can maximise your abilities in the best possible way. Many specific issues concerned with your interaction with others at work have been covered in earlier sections; the following paragraph is more a summary of fundamental needs which might be helpful to keep in mind.

Independence is the elixir of life

You are capable of great generosity and loyalty to colleagues, but you are essentially an individualist and must go your own way. This independence is one of your greatest assets in your working life, because it ensures that you will not deviate from your own vision even if you receive no support or approval from those around you. In many respects your working relationships come second to your loyalty to your own values and dreams, and you run no risk of "selling out" purely in order to "belong". You are also likely to find it uncomfortable working around those who need too much interdependency in their working lives, and the cosy work place with everyone involved in everyone else's personal business is not the place for you. Apart from your particular issues with authority and hierarchical organisations and institutions, you are also not well suited to the kind of "family" atmosphere which many people crave in their work situation. You have no real interest in being one of a group, but are determined to be yourself, unique and individual. You are prepared to cope with loneliness and collective disapproval if necessary, and may even take a kind of pride in being the "outsider" who doesn't fit. This attitude supports your need to create something of your own, for creative efforts stumble and often die when too many people try to get involved and offer advice.

Yet you are also human, and in need of some encouragement and support from others even if it is from a very small group of individuals who, like yourself, recognise the importance of inner commitment and vision. Try not to carry a chip on your shoulder; even in larger organisations, not everyone is a faceless worker, and there may be more people who understand your efforts and dreams than you might think. Although you will probably always be admired and liked for your style and individuality, you may sometimes make it difficult for others to approach you, and you might not always recognise that there is no intrinsic flaw in needing the acceptance of others. More collectively orientated people are not necessarily incapable of understanding your determination to express your individual vision; and you yourself may need acceptance more than you realise. You will always benefit, both emotionally and creatively, from a few strong friendships with working colleagues or those who pursue similar creative paths, and it is important that you don't let excess pride or defensiveness get in the way of these potentially supportive relationships. Let yourself be ordinary and vulnerable sometimes. It will not put your creative vision at risk, nor erode your independence; it will only honour your humanness, which is as essential an ingredient in your success as talent and individuality.

When people speak of "success", they generally mean a position of importance in the world's eyes, or a job that yields lots of money and all the material pleasures and comforts that implies. But success, in terms of the deeper issue of vocation, is a highly individual thing that means different things to different people. Success in this more profound sense is linked with an individual's capacity to express in the outer world the values and ideals which matter most in the inner world. Seen in this way, success may not involve money or position at all; for it depends on a quality of inner loyalty and integrity, and reflects the real essence of individuality rather than a common consensus based on superficial social or material concerns.

Success, for you, is not really reflected in a "top" position in the world, or in a large salary, or in a sense of power or influence. It is a deeply inner experience which is connected with your sense of being "at home" in your work, and your feeling of being rooted in tradition, the past, and the inner world. Whatever other personality inclinations might draw you out into society or into the company of others, your deepest sense of self is turned inward, and a feeling of meaning and purpose in your work depends on the knowledge that you are serving as a vessel for that inner reality and helping to anchor it in life in some way. The inner world is not always intangible; it can also peep through the cycles of nature, the land, and the traditions of the family past. These, as well as the arts or work which takes you into the interior of the human psyche, might provide you with the kind of link with deeper realities you need to feel you are fulfilling a vocation rather than simply doing a job. Family life can also provide the sense of continuity and containment, and this may be no less a vocation than what most people deem to be a successful job. It is the sense of deep connection which you seek and need to nourish your soul.

A certain diffidence and lack of self-confidence could make it hard for you to engage on the profound inner journey which is so important for your sense of purpose in life. You might find it difficult to distance yourself from the hopes and expectations of your family background, or believe you do not deserve to create anything in your own right. A bit of self-doubt, as long as it is not excessive, can make you more sensitive to the needs and rights of others, and can also help you to demand authenticity from yourself in any work you do. And your powerful drive for self-expression, hedged about by personal uncertainty, could help you to find just the right creative vehicle to express that inner world which is so vital for the nourishment of your soul.

Paradoxically, you may need to travel far from the place of your origins in order to find what you feel to be your deepest roots and substance. Or you may need to build on an inheritance from the past which you need to transform so that it is truly your own rather than simply a perpetuation of others' efforts and creative energy. Don't be afraid to leave the past behind in order to refind it in a new and more meaningful form. A true vocation, for you, needs to offer you a vehicle through which your sense of continuity with everything and everyone that came before you can be creatively expressed.

Copyright Astrodienst AG 2000. All rights are reserved. 25-Feb-2001